It's honest. I don't know what the heck I'm doing. I am a mom to twins! Yes, twins! & I honestly don't care if this offends anyone- but it's a heck of a whole lot harder than one! Or even two under two! Sorry (not sorry) it's the truth. I finally got Ella down for a nap today and just could spend time with Bria. She has been super chill and mellow lately and I feel like I can give her enough attention because Ella won't.stop.crying.
& here is where I blame myself.
I had all these preconceived notions of what I would do with my little ones while pregnant. We were going to start them off in the crib, in their room. Or if I HAD to, in the pack n play in our room.
When that didn't work and I hadn't slept in over a week due to being at the hospital- swings it was! & still is. I seriously feel like I have ruined them. We never swaddled. Bria hated it and they didn't really need it in their swings. Now that we want to transition them to the crib- it probably would have been an ok idea.
I don't even know where I am going with this post. I'm more so frustrated with myself. How did I let this happen, how did I let Ella scream and scream. & there's no magic way to get her to go to sleep. She throws herself everywhere, arches her back and screams blood murder. You can't rock her, swing her or bounce her to sleep. She just doesn't wanna.
Maybe I'll feel different tomorrow- prob will- I'll be at work. But right now I'm just mad. At myself. I know in 2 years non of this will matter and they will be toddlers running around sleeping in a toddler bed, but for now- I will wallow.
However, Ella did manage to sleep 40 minutes in the crib for a nap today! Tats a step right?! Oh please say yes!
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