I am no expert. I haven't done IUI or IVF. I haven't had a HSG, I technically haven't even seen a true Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE), but I know the pains of infertility. I know the pains of seeing one line each and every month. I bear the load of bloating, depression, and sadness. I know the pains when I see a newborn baby. I know miscarriage. I am that face. I just wish I had known it was going to be this hard.
That's one thing I never expected. It took me a while (not in some people's minds), but it took me a while to find my Prince Charming. Granted, I was 19. Yet at that age, my mom had been married for one year already. I thought I faced some trials in that department, not really dating in high school, staying out of trouble, being a goody two shoes per say. I paid my dues. Or so I thought.
Andrew made my life complete, as not make this super sappy. He is definitely my rock. In everything we have went through, my adoption saga, radiology school, Andrew's changing majors, Andrews back issues, to the point of almost surgery. We have been through it all. Or so we thought.
Enters, trying to have a baby. To make our family everything we dreamed. These are the things I wish I had known.
1) Facebook is your worst enemy- If it hadn't been for my side job photography business, I would have deleted my Facebook, oh, about a year ago. It's miserable. Seeing pregnancy announcements after one night stands, or pre-martial (not that that's bad, not my thing, but come on! We are doing it the right way over here!!!!) I shed a tear every time I see a new ultrasound picture, baby room or putting together of furniture. Word of advice: block them from your newsfeed. Sometimes I forget whose pregnant, and it clears my feed from an unwanted mental breakdown.
2) Instagram will be your friend- I find comfort in other ladies uploaded photos of their journey. I don't obsess about it like I did the forums. Try it. Hashtag: infertility, infertility sucks. :)
3) You will have a love/hate relationship with Google- One half of me says Google is the devil, the other half is in love. In the 21 months we have been trying, I have had a vitamin K deficiency, endometriosis, more than one miscarriage, hemochromatosis, and countless other diseases and disorders. Word of Advise: use it wisely. It can be you're friend, letting you know of the side effects and symptoms of your newest medication, shot, and give you insight and inspiring stories of success.
4). Guys: Trust her intuition- My husband bought What to Expect When She's NOT Expecting. It was pretty cute knowing he as actually getting into this. One thing said, I will never forget was to trust your spouse. When she thinks you will have a rough road when you first start trying, believe her. My gut instinct told me it wouldn't be easy. I didn't want to believe it, but month after month, negative test after new cycle, Andrew and I both started to believe. Guys- word of advice: Caress her fears, don't laugh at her. It will give her comfort. My husband has been pretty great at it!
5) Try and Stomach Everyone Else's Advice- Everyone and their mother will try and give you advice. To this day, with our meds, shots and suppositories (we are on a very strict schedule), people still tell me to relax. Umm, I'm sorry. When you don't ovulate, there is no relaxing. None. I just can't. If I relax, I miss a pill. And there goes that month. But, you can't argue. No matter what you say, I don't ovulate and my husband has retarded sperm, people will still tell you to take this, don't drink that, pray to God & wear boxers. If you respond with anything but a Good Idea, you will be stuck talking and re-explaining your story and situation for at least 10 minutes. So, if you have a place to go, just nod your head and say yes. Much faster. Lesson learned.
Until next time..
