Happy ONE MONTH!!!

It's so surreal I am celebrating the girls' one month! I am doing it- while pumping! (Hey! Accomplishment) while they are sleeping! I need to make bottles and create their one month board but I need to feed them more! :) 

My little Ellie- you aren't so little anymore! You have officially grown out of your preemie clothes and diapers and I wanted to shed a tear, but Daddy reminded me we would rather have you in newborns because that means you are growing! & you are growing fast! Your last appointment you were 6lbs 1 ounce! A far cry from the 4lbs 6 ounces you got down to at the hospital! You are slowly catching up to you little (I mean younger) sister Bria! You started out very mellow and relaxed, but lately you have been trying to outdo your sister and see how can be more fussy/needy! You can hold your head up for a few seconds and you love to roll from side to side! I love when I change your diaper and your hands immediately go up in the air as if you are saying "whyyyy mommy.. Whyyyy". I love your wrinkly forehead and the worried looks you always have. I love your duck face you make! You have filled out and changed looks so much already! I wish you could stay this small, but like the lady in Walmart said- they have to grow up. (Which I was totally joking, only making a statement about how snuggly and small you two were). Always remember, even when you are 16 years old and don't know why we have the rules that we do, we love you very much! More than you will ever know! We prayed for years to be parents and God have us two amazing miracles- you and your sister! Love you Ellie Baby! 

Our Baby Bria- You have been a diva from Day One! Daddy has called you a drama queen since we left he hospital! You love to be held, which we love as well, it just makes it hard when Ella wants held too! Your last appointment you weighed 7lbs 4.5 ounces- your older/bigger? Sister is catching up to you! You are in size newborn clothes and diapers and have been since you were born! You can hold your head up very well and love to look around! You hate blankets and immediately kick them off as soon as we put one on! I love your cry, it's so sad and makes us know as soon as we pick you up, you're fine- all you needed was mommy or daddy! I love when you are super hungry- and we try to feed you a bottle- you will go back and forth with your face super fast trying to get it! I love your gorgeous hair and your eyes which I think will be hazel, like daddy's! I want you to know, like Ella, we prayed for you girls for years. So remember that in 15/16 years when daddy and I aren't your favorite people. We love you no matter what! Love you Bri!! 

4 Weeks Old!

Our baby girls are 4 weeks old and they celebrated by sleeping a stretch of 4 hours!!! Upon leaving the hospital- we were told not to let Ella go 3 hours without eating- I hope at almost a month old that rule isn't in effect although I about had a heart attack when I realized how long it has been since they ate! 

I'm going to wait to do their official month post on the 13th which is apparently considered the actual one month for them (even though -4 weeks = one month-- hello!) but, nevertheless. 

I'm on Week 2- Day 3 tomorrow of being by myself during the day, and thank the good lord my sister doesn't ever have a thing to do! She has came over the past 2 days to help! Monday- I was desperate! I probably would have taken anyone! I was trying to pump because my books were about to explode- which they Kinda did all over my shirt and shorts. Bria was screaming and Ella was whining and neither of them take comfort in their pacifier- only in mommy and daddy's (or someone else's) arms, which generally melts my heart and I love it.... Monday I cried- with liquid gold just pouring out and being wasted on my shorts, I was not happy. Monday morning however, the girls laid in the pack n play (awake) and let me make bottles, clean bottles, do dishes and do a quick kitchen clean up! Normally, our two beauties need attention 24/7 and can't be left alone to just "chill." 

Tuesday- the girls were a little fussy. I probably could have managed- I would have cried- again, but my sister was a dear and left her child at home with her daddy and came to help me! I do feel like super mom though because I was holding and feeding Bria with my still bum (carpal tunnel I'm guessing) left hand and my chin & feeding Ella in her bouncer with my right hand. I didn't think the burping all the way through and Ella didn't burp as well, but she didn't spit up either! I was always nervous to feed them both at once because both girls tend to choke- which is super scary! But- they were champs and I felt accomplished! 

We got a few newborn pictures back which I will post as well as I had my mom do a quick family photo session- I plan to get a better one done with the help of my sister- and my editing skills! :) 

Our gorgeous princesses!! I just love Ella's wrinkly head! 

I cried watching her take this. Even though my girls were in separate sacs  in utero, I couldn't help but imagine this is how they spent 9 months inside me!! 

My husband swears this is the photograph that the girls will say, mom.. Whyyyyy? When they get older, but I don't care! :) I love the little mermaid and my own momma made these awesome outfits! 

Our first (nice looking) family photo! Of course we have the one from the hospital where I look just awesome (not) from pushing out two babies who were an hour apart! 

I seriously love our family of four and can't wait to document it all on here and through photos! They may hate it when the are 13-16, but will appreciate it when they are a tad older! :) & don't you just love my mommas cat! She photo bombed pretty much every picture and I couldn't bring myself to photoshop him out! 

Home Life..

I realized I hadn't blogged about what it's like being at home! 

When we finally got to bring our little ones home for good- I felt wonderful! I slept in my own bed! Showered in my awesome shower- with 100x better water pressure! Our first night home which was the Saturday 17th- we had the pack n play in our room for the girls to sleep in, we specifically bought a mattress and sheets so that when we transitioned to the crib later on- it wouldn't be difficult! It was an awful night! Someone was always up, they were squirming- even though somewhat swaddled. We were exhausted. What I realize now is we probably had them too far apart. They were used to being aide by side, and here we are making them sleep on opposite ends of the pack n play! Andrew actually was nice enough to take them out to the living room for me around 4am and had them in their swings so I could get some sleep. He said relieve me at 7am and we will switch. I set my alarm for 7am, came out to the living room and he was fast asleep- all 3 of them! I told him to get up and go to bed and he said okay & went right back to sleep! So- I fed and changed both girls and put them back to sleep and decided to try the pump! I ended up getting four ounces total after feeding! I was pretty excited! :) 

After that night- we drug the pack n okay back out into the living room and put the swings in our room (please no judgement, it's what works for us right now- everyone- especially the girls need sleep and true fight sleep anywhere else!) we discussed it with our pediatrician and her own son slept in his swing until he was 8 months old. 

Night time wise- we consistently get up about every 2 hours like clockwork. Andrew was off until this past week so feeding them at the same time was the best thing for both of us. Recently, there are some stretches that they will go 3 hours and you feel like a totally different person!! Amazing! Andrew does have a hard time hearing- which can make it difficult because he doesn't hear their small, quiet whimpers for attention & I hear everything! 

During the day is my favorite! (Now weekends since Andrew is off!!) So far they sleep most of the time- actually a lot of people didn't even know what color Ella's  eyes were because she rarely opened her eyes! (They are both super dark blue btw- gets those from her momma!!) 

Andrew was such a huge help everyday. In fact, he never made me feel like I was doing this alone- like I hear some wives say about their husbands. 

Now that Andrew is back to work, I'm not going to sugar coat this like I see other twin blogs and even triplet blogs. This life is amazing, but its freaking hard! 

I have cried everyday I am by myself! Why? Because I'm feeding one little girl and the other one is screaming her little head off waiting to be fed and there's nothing I can do about it! I try to chin hold the bottle and reach for the othe ones binky, but I just end up making a mess with the one I'm feeding. It's exhausting but so rewarding. Bria is much more needy than Ella, although Ella has been stepping up her game lately. Bria goes from sleeping to hungry in 2 seconds. And there's no in between. & she's a screamer! Poor Ella is always fed 2nd and has the saddest cry ever. & Bria is a bear to burp. That whole process of feeding, changing, burping Bria and laying her down to sleep (because she cries if she is not held when she's awake), then feeding, changing burping Ella and trying to get her to sleep- it takes about a hour or so. Then I need to clean bottles or pump or clear the sink to put more bottles in there- it's time to do it all over again. It's exhausting but when I catch a little smile or they hold on super tight to my shirt or cuddle under my chin- I forget all about the 2 hours of sleep I got or crying because I couldn't stop one of hen from crying! But- don't let the other blogs fool you- unless they are not human- it's hard but totally worth it! 

So - When/are you going to have more?

I despise this question! 

Hate it really! 

Our girls are barely 3 weeks old and I have been asked numerous times already. Are you done? Are you going to have more? When are you going to have more? 

Honestly- it's none of your business. Just like its none of your business if I have twins that run in my family or if I did infertility treatments. #1) I don't know my medical history, thank you. Being adopted- thats normally the case. Plus, my birth mother adamantly refused to divulge any information- so remind me again that I don't know it because of her   insensitivity.

#2) Why, yes we actually did fertility treatments. Only medication and shots. The medication chosen for us was only supposed to release one egg. But- that's not to say we didn't want the chance at multiples. When given the option if your cycle would fail, I chose Clomid- a drug that definitely increases your chance at multiples over having to leave my doctor and start the IUI process. 

We have twins & they are our world. 

But- when we get asked if we are going to have another- and we respond with no. We get- what?! You can't say that! (Ummm - okay then. Why did you ask me?) of course I can say that. You have no idea the journey and difficulty it took to conceive these two miracles. I, we, cannot imagine going through the process again- emotionally and financially. I don't think I could have my faith tested again like that. I was pretty disappointed in myself to see that sometimes  I questioned God's plan. Who was I? I was the girl that consistently said everything happens for. A reason, but I couldn't believe or live by my own words. 

Maybe we will have more kids, but so I have to explain we have discussed fostering or adopting since we have been together? I understand in the TTC community, these words and decision isn't foreign, but around here it's Kirk what?! Why would you want someone else's baby when you could have your own? 

We want to save a life. Like mine was saved. Who knows where I would have ended up- if anywhere. I was blessed, lucky and everything else- to be placed with my now mom and dad. But- is that any of your business? Sorry- no. 

This is probably coming off super mean, (I am lacking sleep at the moment) but I needed to get it off my chest. Just think before you ask that question. It's loaded- in more ways than one. 

Ill leave you with pictures of my adorable two miracles that I cry watching daily! 

Adventures in breastfeeding...

So- I've been wrapped up in all the details of what has happened that I haven't blogged about breastfeeding .. 

In the hospital, I got zero sleep. I seriously think I slept a total of 5 hours from Monday night to Saturday. It was awful. It was mostly the interruptions from the nurses checking on either me, Ella or Bria. It was constant. I would have just got both girls down for bed or a nap and in would walk the nurse to check their vitals, etc. Then, there was trying to breastfeed which may have been the most frustrating experience of my life. 

I fully intended on breastfeeding. Bria was doing great! She was getting colostrum and she is the main reason my milk came in! She would nurse for 20 minutes or so and would fall asleep, if I would try to remove her- she would act like she wasn't done. Then, she would want to eat only an hour later. 

Ella was not cut out for breastfeeding. Not only were they preemies, Ella weighed 4lbs 13 ounces. I worked days with a lactation consultant, full well knowing my little girl wasn't getting enough to eat. Little by little they both lost weight. Which earned us an extra few days at the hospital. 

I kept asking, crying, was I doing enough? Do I need to supplement? No, they kept saying- you are doing everything right. You're doing a great job, blah blah. Those words kept my mind at ease until the next feeding when Bria would get hungry almost immediately after a feed and I could barely get Ella to latch on let alone to eat more than 5 minutes before falling asleep. I cried just about every few hours. Finally on our last day at the hospital, the pediatrician and lactation consultant agreed to let me supplement formula. 

I didn't want to supplement. I planned on exclusively breastfeeding but when you watch the two babies you created and are now responsible for- they fully depend on only you for their nutrition- you change your mind pretty quickly. 

We were given Similac neosure, I was told to let them nurse 20-25 minutes at the breast then offer 1-2oz of formula. Well that didn't work- our whole problem is the girls falling asleep while nursing so there was no way they were going to take a bottle after they were asleep. That lasted one day. Sunday I woke up and let them feed, as I had done all night. I still felt engorged and insanely uncomfortable. So- I pumped. I got 4 ounces after feeding! It hit me- those girls weren't getting enough to eat and how on earth was I supposed to measure it and keep track? That day, I decidedto solely   pump and our regular pediatrician suggested we mix the breast milk and formula together. They have been content ever since and it has most certainly helped my sanity. I can monitor how much they each get and Andrew can help feed as well. I am getting a nice supply built up in the freezer. At first I was pumping every 2 hours and getting maybe 1 ounce each breast. I decides to pump 3-4 times a day (may increase to 4-5) and I am now consistently getting 30-32 ounces a day, still not enough to feed them breast milk only but at the moment they still need to supplement formula as well to continue to gain weight. 

Ella:

Birth: 4lbs 13 ounces

At one point in the hospital was 4lbs 5 ounces. 

At discharge: 4lbs 7/8 ounces 

Next day appointment: 4lbs 9 ounces

1st Peds Appt: 4lbs 11.5 ounces! 

2nd Peds Appt (one week later): 5 lbs 2 ounces!!!!!! 

Bria: 

Birth: 6lbs 10.5 ounces

At one point in hospital: 6lbs 4 ounces

At discharge: 6lbs 6 ounces

Next day appointment: 6lbs 7 ounces

1st Peds Appt: 6lbs 8.5 ounces

2nd Peds Appt (one week later): 6lbs 11.5 ounces

We now have to watch her closely. She has to return next week- Wednesday due to holiday and a funeral to check he weight. To me, she's filling out and I think  the girls are going through a major growth spurt because they are eating fools! I think every hour to hour and mahal we are feeding them something, mix or breast milk only. 

I am so thankful I decided to pump. I was stressed, cried constantly, sore and frustrated. I know the lactation consultant and pediatrician were hoping for exclusive breast fed babies, as was I. But- the health and satisfaction of our little ones are way more important than my pride or expectations. We will now invest stock in similac (as I truly hope to be able to give them breast milk only one day- they are eating machines... I don't know if my body can keep up).

I did however buy fenugreek, it's hard to remember to take it three times a day but I started it a few days ago and hope it starts to make a difference! 

Love my morning pumps! 6am! 

Birth Story Part 2!

The nurse kind of stayed and helped me try to get the girls to latch on. Bria was a champ and latched on right away. Ella was much harder because she was much smaller and obviously she wasn't getting it. The nurse left and we decided to let everyone go ahead and visit, all of our family was probably dying around this point because it was after 9pm.. Everyone left by 11- I think. I kept saying how weird I felt. I didn't feel like myself, it didn't feel real and I wasn't exactly sure what I was saying and if it made sense. 

Next a nurse came in and said I looked super pale, well I always look super pale- thank you. I felt dizzy so she helped me to the bathroom and helped clean me up. She put me back in bed and said she would check on me in an hour. She came back and said that we were moving into a different room, it wasn't as big but still was big enough. She wheeled me down and we entered this superrrrr small room! She said someone took my other room in the meantime so this is what we got. It was tiny. No bed for Andrew. Only a chair, and no room for 2 bassinets and all of our stuff. I kept having to move one of the girls to go pee or go around the bed. It was miserable. It was even more miserable when guests tried to come visit. They were standing out in the hallway most of the time because I was breastfeeding one or the other. 

The next night, we had two nice nurses who noticed our babies looked yellow. They decided to do a quick bilirubin test and both of them were high for their age. So, we moved rooms again. For the 3rd time. This time, it wasn't for the best of circumstances. Our girls had to be places under bilirubin lights. It was miserable. They were uncomfortable and poor Ella has no meat on her bones so she was freezing in her little diaper! 

They were under the lights from 2am until 830pm that next night. They rechecked their levels and it was at a 5 for both! So they got to come off. At this point we were hoping to leave the next day, however they decided to check my hemoglobin level because it was low the day before and if it dropped again I would have to have a blood transfusion. My level was 7.5 (above 12 is normal), they just didn't want it to get any lower. Of course, it goes to 6.7... 2 blood transfusions later, our pediatrician comes in. Ella and Bria have lost the max weight they could lose. Their bilirubin levels also went up again and rebounded. She came in and said we could probably go home tomorrow (Saturday) but we would have to promise to come back Sunday for an appointment, weight check and bilirubin check. 

I was all for that idea. Neither of us had any more clean clothes and j was dying to be outside again and sleep and shower in my own home! So at 2pm on. Saturday August 17th all three of us were discharged from Hotel Ruby! On my to return in less than 24 hours and If there was one thing they didn't like we would be readmitted. So we packed out bags again, and left for Ruby. Weights went up, by an ounce or two but that was all we needed. Bilirubin levels also went up, Bria's didn't go up as much so nothing to be alarmed about. Ella's however, was 15.8- the cutoff for treatment is 15. They needed to do a heel stick blood serum to get a more accurate measurement. We ate at the cafeteria and waited the hour for the results- 12.4!!!!!! 

We walked out of there knowing we were in our way home for good! 

The Moore Twins Birth Story

So much has happened! Let start with the appointment I couldn't wait for! August 12! 

We go have an ultrasound and you can see the tech measuring Baby A. She double measures, triple measures. She tells us Baby As stomach looks a little small, but she is measuring 5 lbs 10 ounces. She goes onto measure Baby B. 6lbs 10 ounces. A pound difference. She says that since Baby As stomach looked small they wanted to see how she practices breathing and if there was any movement. No movement, but we still had a heartbeat. There was a glimmer of catching her breathing and finally she moved. 

We were set back out in the waiting room as the doctors read my ultrasound. I burst into tears. Something was wrong. I knew it. Andrew tried to comfort me, but I had several ultrasounds and they were never like that one. 

We finally went back and my OB Petra came in. She said ultrasound came back and we are sending you to labor & delivery now. I was shocked. I immediately started crying, again. I knew it. Something wasn't right. I kept wondering what I did wrong. I knew I shouldn't have started the diabetic medication. That had to be it. She said Baby As fluid was low and she didn't want to wait until Thursday when she planned on inducing us. We told her we weren't prepared and needed to run home to grab our bags. She agreed and told us to return to labor and delivery by 2pm. 

I don't know why, but I started crying again. I felt like something else was wrong. Honestly, to this day- I'm convinced Ella stopped growing, but I can't say that 100%. We ran home, did the dishes in the sink, piss poorly finished packing out bags, and left. Stopped at the dollar store for snacks for Andrew and stopped at McDonalds for lunch on the go since I knew once I got there I wouldn't be able to eat or drink much. 

We checked in and our nurse was named Nicole. They started my IV and by 245 Pitocin was officially started. 

They stuck me and the babies on monitors and would check me very 4 hours. I was a 1cm 90% effaced for like a whole day.. Pretty much. I slowly made it to a 2-3cm, where they decided to break my water. At this point it was 24 hours after Pitocin was started. August 13, 2013 around 230ish. I was having contractions according to the monitor before up to 90 some. As soon as they broke my water the contractions were intense! I couldn't see the monitor and asked Andrew what the number was and he said in the 30s! I said what?!?? 30s?!?  If hurt so bad! 

I, of course, didnt want to seem like a baby... but-- Our amazing nurse said if you can feel them now and they hurt. It's only going to get worse. So I asked for the epidural immediately. 

Anesthesia came in about 45 minutes later and after several attempts due to my scoliosis they finally got it in.. I could feel the effects within a half an hour and knew my left side was barely affected. So she has me lay on my left side until my next check! 

They kept coming in and saying dilated to a 2,,, 2-3...3... Finally at 5pm a different doctor came in and said I don't want I disappoint you, I think you may be at a 4, but I want to get Dr. Leonard, the last dr that checked you and see what she says. 45 minutes later, we started to realize that that morning, Dr. Leonard told us she was only here until 5. Finally, at 6pm my regular OB walked in with my nurse. She checked me and made a face. You never know about her- if it's a good face or a bad face! She literally bent down and took and peak and apparently saw some baby, she made the nurse look and she said- we are heading to the OR now! 

I was shocked- how on earth did I go from barely a 3 to a disappointing 4- to a 10?!? 

The next part went by so fast. There were about 12-15 people in this tiny delivery Operating Room. Andrew was on my right, my amazing nurse was on my left and Petra and Dr. Payne (ironic huh?!) were "down there".  I puked a few times, pushed for 20 minutes and at 6:28pm, Ella Faith Moore was born. She has white peach fuzz in the back and was a tiny 4lbs 13 ounces! Andrew got to go back and see her and take a few pictures! 

They took her straight away to the warming room and I didn't get to see her or hold her. Next, they proceeded to break my water for baby B. You could tell they were teaching a resident how to do it.. I immediately started feeling the contractions. I knew my epidural had started to wear off. I could feel it only left side. She told me if I could feel it- to push. So I did. My water really broke. Everywhere. I'm pretty sure it scared most of the people. The contractions started getting worse- coupled with Bria's little behind nestled on my right side in my ribs- it was getting pretty painful. I kept complaining and Petra kept asking what was hurting, I told her the contractions. Then she said, lets call anesthesia. At that point, it had been 40 some minutes since Ella was delivered. I thought oh no... My worst nightmare. I am going to have to have a c-section! Apparently she was calling them for more medication, I had a pump however and Andrew hit the pump button for me, but I didn't feel that dose of medication until after I delivered Bria. 

Petra was very calm during the whole thing, but I do specifically remember hearing her say- there's the cord. By the looks of Bria when she came out- I'm going to guess the cord was wrapped around her neck. They probably didn't tell me because I was pushing so hard that I could barely even breathe. I had ahold of my thighs, the nurse was holding my back up and Andrew was giving me oxygen. Finally, 58 minutes later- Bria Cole Moore made her way into the world in dramatic fashion. She made a "splash" everywhere- even reaching Andrew! She weighed in at 6lbs 10.5 ounces! 

They immediately took her into the warming room as well to clean her off as well as they could. Since they are considered preemies- they couldn't get an official bath until they were 24 hours old. They wheeled me back into the room and it was another half an hour until we got to see them!  

The nurses cleaned me up and two other nurses brought the girls into our room and said- they are ready to eat. And went to leave. I said ummm I've never breast fed before. What am I supposed to do? The girls were like- I have two other deliveries to go to so I can't stay. The second girl seemed frustrated and said I  guess I can stay for a few minutes. 

That's where I will quit for today- (well ive been trying to write this for days)! Here are some pictures of our little ladies from the first day. Until I get my digital uploaded on my computer, these will do! 

Ella Faith

Bria Cole