Whoops!

So it's been a while, clearly. I feel like a TON has been going on, but as soon as I write it all down I'll look like a liar, but whatevs! 

First off,Bri has 4 teeth. Her top two teeth are beyond adorable and it hasn't fazed her AT ALL. I'm not even sure if I had to give her orajel, I'm thinking not. Ella ok the other hand, is dying. Her gums are swollen and there's a huge hole where the right one (her left) is trying to poke through. She's having a ROUGH time. Shes been super clingy and cuddly which is highly unlike her! She's also learned how to throw a mini fit by throwing her head on the ground and crying. Drama. 

Ella got evaluated for her TOT collar, well measured. The orthotist was seriously getting on my last nerve but nonetheless.  Waiting to hear back from the insurance on that one. 

Andrew finished track- wahoo!  I was on the verge of late post partum, well I actually think I hit it, but I'm managing. 

As for me, I've applied for a new job. It's a Friday/Saturday midnight position at a hospital an hour away. Andrew will be home for me to sleep and all is well in the babysitting world. I would still work one day a week at Whitehall, maybe initially more- just depends. It's scary but it's needed. I had my actual interview today and the 3 ladies were super nice! I should know sometime next week. I know God is taking care of me and my family so I'm not stressing. This was my first real interview since xray school in 2007. When I got the job I have , it was incredibly informal- coming from class in my scrubs and she basically said I'm hiring you- right there! So, needless to say I was semi nervous but I think it went well! 

Also, I have had a CT and HIDA scan done in the past 2 weeks. I also have an ultrasound on my gall bladder Sunday. 

I've been having weird attacks of pai  that bring you to your knees. It kills me, my back and stomach just pain stabbing, so intense. It's awful. The last few episodes I  vomited several times and ended up feeling better. My CT showed sludge in my gall bladder which means there could be some stones. My HIDA scan came back okay at 68% function, so next step is ultrasound. If that is normal- I give up! Haha! 

So there's a lot of hurry up and wait around here! I will do a little

Blog post abut our new and improved sleep habits/schedule soon! 

3/4ths of the Way To One!

3 more months until they turn one. I am happy and sad. & I need to get my butt in gear and lose some weight! 

My Ella Girl, 

You have come so far! You are not only pulling yourself up, you are walking along furniture, tables and holding on with only one hand, you are walking behind everything like a maniac. You are so fast! You can even walk while momma is holding Bri and just hold in with one hand! You LOVE to walk behind a walker and I can't catch up with you fast enough to turn you back around!  You are a speed demon on tutu hands and knees as well! Your torticollis is getting better by the day and your Physical Therapist said she is so impressed with your improvements!! You are officially puff crazy! You still love baby food but get antsy in the high chair. You love all flavors of puffs, and have just started eating the mini baby cheesies and seem to like all flavors of then as well! Yogurt bites are a different texture, but you're getting the hang of them! You say mama, dada, and bye bye. You can wave bye bye but you don't do it on command. You are an excellent clapper and clap after we say yayyyyyyyyyy!! You weren't sleeping through the night very well so we did one night of crying it out and you and sissy have been pros ever since! Sometime teething wakes you up and you need a binky, but that's mild compared to rocking you all night. You now only nap twice a day from 845-1015 & 130-3 & bed at 7/730! You still have two teeth, although your right top gum is very swollen! You still love your baths and we cannot wait to take you swimming! You love to swing and we have such a fun time with you at the park! Mommy just bought you a swing set with some money she got for Mother's Day and we are excited to put it together for you!! You aren't a huge fan of toys but have been playing a lot with balls and fake foods! You are starting to like Micky mouse clubhouse more than you did before! You start "dancing" when the intro and last song come on! You still have blue eyes, a little darker the. Sissys! You hair is whitish blonde and coming in more and more each day! We can actually put a clip in it! Imagine that! We are so proud of you little girl. You're such a people person and you give a smile to anyone that smiles for you! We love you to the moon and back!! 

My Bri Bri, 

You are so much fun! You love to stand up, with mommy and daddy's assistance of course! You are learning the ropes on how to move your two feet to walk and you have recently started going from sitting to crawlig position! You rock back and forth on your hands and knees and I feel like it's coming soon!! You want to be included and do things sissy does so it won't be long! You get so excited when you see sissy walking by! You love to squeal! It's the cutest thing! Along with Ella, you are puff crazy as well! You can open the can with your bottom teeth! We have just started baby cheesies and yogurt bites but you seem to like them as well. You're too funny, the first time you taste anything your facial expressions are the best! You say mama & dada! You've waved hi a few times, but not on command! You love to clap and clap on command when we get excited and say yayyyyyyy!! You have gotten more hair and it's getting lighter everyday! Your eyes are still a beautiful blue! You now only nap twice a day 845/9-1030 and 1/115/130-3! You weren't sleeping very well so we took your 3rd nap away and that has helped so much! You fall asleep very easily for your naps and bedtime- you roll on your side, cuddle your monkey and you are out! You are atarting to get your top two teeth and you can barely even tell! They haven't bothered you a bit! You already look like such a. Little girl with your hair and clips - your top teeth may set mommy over the edge of tears! You still love your baths and we cannot wait to take you swimming! You love to swing and we have such a fun time with you at the park! Mommy just bought you a swing set with some money she got for Mother's Day and we are excited to put it together for you!! You are starting to get disinterested in toys because you want to stand up all the time! You still love to hear Micky mouse clubhouse songs! We are so proud of you little girl! We love you to the moon and back baby girl! 

My Very First Mothers Day

Not only was Mother's Day awesome because it's something I've dreamt about since trying to conceive - it was the first official day of "being done with track season"! 

I had envisioned it being more breakfast made in bed sort of thing, but nevertheless it was pretty awesome. I asked to sleep in and while that didn't go very well and I made it to 720 before being woke up by baby screams and giggles, it was better than 6am. 

The girls were already dressed in these: 

They said Happy First Mothers Day Mommy! Ella's was purple and Bria's was pink. I was actually surprised and love the thoughtfulness that went into it. 

There was no breakfast made because, well there wasn't many supplies to make it. 

The girls took a sporadic first nap which is unlike them, but I immediately started laundry. And continued doing laundry until we decided to take the girls to Andrews school to run around in the gym. 

Ella was a speed demon! She loved it! Bria just laughed at her, she didn't enjoy it as much as I envisioned! 

Then we went home and they started on their second nap. I seriously LOVE being on a schedule! LOVE IT! It was then- I got ready then and continued to do laundry until we left once they woke up! 

They live each other as much as me. I couldn't love it more! 

We went to Cheddars and had the fastest meal ever! & stopped at target to get some snacks for them! 

They hate hats :/ 

Then we stopped at the park on the way home. We need a swing set ASAP. These girls LOVE it! 

Then Ella showed off her big guns! 

Girls can have guns too! 

Then we went home and played and played! :) 

Can't wait for next weekend! 

CIO with Twins

Crying it out with twins. 

I cannot believe I just typed that. 

Like I stated before- I was never opposed to CIO before pregnancy. That we as before I had twins. Before the realization of making one twin cry while the other was trying to sleep. Impossible, right?? 

We started this method Monday night. After getting next to NO sleep Sunday night, I knew something needed done. I work until 8pm Monday and Tuesday nights 12 hr shifts- so I don't get to put them to bed. I live exactly 31 minutes away (according to my creepy Iphone) from work so keeping them up is not an option. 

Andrew put the girls to sleep Monday night. Both went right to sleep. Bria was basically out when Andrew fed her. My parents wear them out daily. About 245, the time I dread. Bria starts screaming bloody murder. I go in and put her binky in. More incessant screaming ensued. It got louder and worse. I was dying inside. I cried so hard. I was kicking, throwing my head down, in the living room, bathroom, on the bed, on the living room floor, couch. It was bad. I don't think I've cried this much since our miscarriage. 

Bria wouldn't stop. 20 minutes. Checked. Made it worse. 35 minutes (I couldn't last another 20). Still worse. I was dying. She was looking up at me like why are you doing this to me. It broke my heart in a bajillion pieces.  

Finally- at 400am I caved. I picked up Ella and Andrew picked up Bria and within minutes of cuddling- they were asleep. Slept until 630. 

Tuesday night- Andrew put them both down. Ella went to sleep. Bria whimpered for a little bit (Andrews generic term) and fell asleep. I also worked that night so who knows the exact time frame, etc. 

Wednesday- the girls fell asleep by themselves with little or no trouble for their naps. Bedtime- we bathed yesterday. So we put them both down, they cried and cried and cried. We went back in and out binkys in and I gave them both a toy. More crying. I took a shower and then laid outside on the desk for 10 minutes. I came back in and heard that the crying was no longer Bria's. It was Ella. B was fast asleep. I laid Ella down and put her binky in and she fell asleep too! About 30 minutes total of crying. And ya know what? They slept allllll night. I got up a few times for binkys but I cannot say how proud I am! 

2nd night in a row! I'm so pumped. I hope this is a trend. 

Love/Hate Relationship With Advice

I think I've made it pretty clear through social medias that I'm desperate for sleep. Twitter I vent. IG I try to keep as upbeat as possible- there are so many people dying for sleepless nights due to infertility that I would never cross that line. I was once that girl. Facebook (private groups) I seek advice from my fellow twin moms. 

I've randomly mentioned at work how exhausting it is and they usually give me the same advice, drop a nap, or I don't know what to say, etc. 

The Facebook twin mom group has been super helpful. There are other mommas going through similar things and some mommas have overcame it. I've sought advice from them. One girl actually hired a sleep consultant and gave me good tips to start CIO, cry it out method. Poor thing, she's my sounding board lately but I couldn't appreciate her advice anymore! I'm very thankful for her tips and listening ear! 

I was never opposed to the CIO method before I get pregnant. I assumed I wouldn't be such a softie. I also assumed I would have one baby like everyone else. Twins are amazing and I wouldn't trade them for the world but they are a million times harder than a singleton and I don't care if you kids 10 months apart. ITS NOT THE SAME. Period. 

CIO is no different. How can you let one sleeping baby be interrupted by a screaming crying baby who is trying to learn to self soothe? Not fair. 

We tried it out last night. 

The worst feeling ever. The last time I cried this much was probably my miscarriage. It's the most painful thing. No lie. 

The girls did excellent until 245, and the a remit ensued. We tried to let her work it out. 20 minutes, went in- made not worse. I think I made it 35 minutes. Even worse. I was balling- throwing myself on the floor, the bed. The living room couch. I could hear her crying for dada. Both girls were incessantly screaming and hyperventilating crying. Finally at 4:00am I couldn't take it anymore. I had has enough. I picked up Ella and Andrew picked up Bri and within minutes they were both asleep and didn't fuss until 630. 

I'm so torn. I know this is what they need, what I need, but it feels SO wrong. Rocking Ella at 400am this morning, cuddling her, hearing her whimpers and having her little arm/hand cling to my shirt with the tightest grip- that felt right. 

My husband asked me what we were doing tonight and I don't know. I may have to leave if it happens. I had the worst anxiety last night. I can't handle hearing the babies that I cried and prayed for everyday cry so hard they can't breathe and I'm not doing anything.

Lord. Help. Me 

3rd nap?!

So it never fazed me that their 3rd nap should be dropped. I texted my friend who had twins that are 1.5 months older than our girls and hers still take a 3rd nap so I thought we were still good. 

Once I started reading up on it, I realized this probably should have happened oh, 1.5-2 months ago. Says 5-8 months. Seriously. We are 8.5 months and still going strong. 

But lately- nighttime has been the worst. We are up with one or both babies rocking them back to sleep for HOURS! We blamed it on Ella's ear infection at first and maybe rightfully so, but this habit hasn't changed. So I started looking into our schedule. Apparently that's the problem. There are days Ella would wake up from her 3rd nap at 530/6. But she never had a problem going back to bed at 745/8 so I never thought that was an issue. 

I started looking into schedule suggestions and one suggested not to go to take a nap after 4, latest they could sleep would be 420. How about everyday we went down for a nap at 4. I was shocked. 

So Thursday after being up since 245 rocking babies, I knew something had to be done. I had my mom write down their naps. I decided we were going to try the 2,3,4 method. Except we were going to try 2.5,3,4. 

Wake time. Up for 2.5 hours. Nap. Up for 3 hours nap. Up for 4 hours bed. 

Thursday Ella was struggling 

But we did it. I had to put them to bed by myself at 7 and it took a little rocking because she was overtired. 

Ella did pretty well that night. After Bria woke her up from screaming bloody murder at 800-- Only waking  around 345, rocked her to sleep (took about an hour though) and the Up at 630.

Bria in the other hand was so confused. Up at 8-830, up at 9, up from 11-130am, up from 345-530am. Finally up at 630. 

It was super rough. 

Friday our schedule went. 

630 wake

700 bottle

900/915 nap

1030 wake & veggies

1100 bottle 

*** it was then I realized I was doing the regular bottle schedule and I needed to change it up. 

115 bottle

130 nap

300 wake

400 bottle 

600 fruit or veggies and some puffs 

645 bath, bottle

7-715 bed 

Bria was having a rough time with the 4 hour stretch. 

This was 545, thanks to Ella's incessant scream talk and puffs B made it to 7! 

Bria did ok. Up around 945-10 rocked her back to sleep. Then up twice die to Ella's screaming. Rocked her to sleep both times.

Ella was up at 1am- 330am. Screaming, playing, etc. Back up at 430-5am screaming. Andrew finally rocked her to sleep and they both fell asleep in the living  room until 630. I woke Bria up at 7 so they would be on similar schedules. 

This morning- Ella was exhausted by 850. She was in bed by 9. Bria was in bed by 915 for a nap & she's already back up, I'm currently trying to rock to her sleep for another 15 minute snoozer. 

I'm being brutally honest here but I feel like a failure. I've clearly done something wrong to get these awful sleepers. 

Regardless they are super adorbs. 

This was them this morning.. Too happy for no sleep!