No- I am not "infertile"; as I am currently pregnant with twins. However, this was the hand that was dealt to me as my husband and I dealt WITH infertility for almost 2 years.
& No- that's not a long time, not compared to others. Not even compared to my own mom, who suffered in the 80s for 7 years becoming pregnant but never making it to full term until 1989- twice! :)
I am lucky. I am blessed. I know this. Our journey, however, I could have never imagined these results. After realizing early on that there was a problem, I sought help. No one would help me. We hadn't been trying a year yet. Every place I called said they were sorry, but I needed to try for a year before they could do anything. I didn't fall into the definition of infertility. I had to wait.
We did. We discussed our cap. How long we would try ourselves before pursuing other options. As in, adoption. I am adopted; I love the idea of adoption. I also love the idea of finally being part of a family where we resemble each other. Not that that's a huge part, but I'm pretty much 100% Irish and my immediately family looks part Indian- super tan and dark.
Our cap was three years. One year down- 2 to go. It was scary. Marrying my husband 2 years prior- I never imagined this is what our lives held. I assumed I would try a few months and be pregnant and get to announce it some super cute way and surprise everyone in our families.
Infertility had another option. After about 10 months, several baby questions from family, we finally decided to open up. Probably because I had threatened to knock the next person out who made a comment about "if we had babies" or why we haven't had babies.
We resumed our lives but continued to get negative ovulation and pregnancy tests, maybe one positive ovulation every few months (I may have willed it to be positive- being the darkest line over got).
I was introduced to a local OB GYN, who was able to diagnose me our first visit. Annovulation. That's enough for one couple right?
Apparently not- add in Male Factor Infertility. I figured we didn't have a chance. Then we got pregnant, for one month. & then we lost him.
I don't ovulate. Our Sperm is almost all abnormal and now a missed miscarriage and D&C?!
That's infertility. Highs and lows. Ups and downs. Always waiting for the next disappointment because its inevitable.
I was told that we wouldn't conceive naturally without assistance (as in no more timed intercourse- dr injects the Sperm and gets me pregnant that way). He said the medicine was working but sometime else was not. I left my last appointment and last Medicated cycle feeling defeated. I ovulated Dec 11- the most fertile day of the year! But- this had happened every month on the medication- and nothing else had happened. Why now?
2 weeks later on Christmas Day. I was pregnant. & I am still pregnant. With twins. That's infertility. I'm amazed at the journey it took us on. & honestly, the journey it still takes us on. Yes, we are nervous about having two instead of the usual one. There are a million unknowns. What I do know is infertility taught me, to expect anything. I no longer can plan. It's not up to me, it's now up to the babies. This is their world, and we are just here to guide them. Our baby girls... The best thing about infertility there ever was.
I prayed that this may be our only pregnancy- our only child. I couldn't emotionally handle the "TTC" process again. God knew I couldn't either & gave us two.
I have met SO many amazing women and men from this journey. Some who have graduated to motherhood, or have beat infertility, and some who are still fighting the battle. It is a battle. It's an everyday silent struggle. It's something people hate to talk about, but it helps us so much to talk. All you have to do is listen. We don't need advice on how to position your hips or what to eat or drink, or how your aunt's, sister's, boyfriend's cousin got pregnant by taking this or that. We just need a "I can't imagine" and an ear to listen. Not much..
Ella Faith and Bria Cole- I hope someday this affects your heart. Makes you realize everyone has a story and everyone needs a friend. I hope you know how incredibly loved you already are. Your brother or sister sent you both to us in a time when we needed you the most. The journey to get you here as made me love your dad more than I ever thought possible. He is already doing so much for you girls- it melts my heart. Be kind and know that we fought so hard to bring you into our lives and the lives of this amazing extended family. You are loved.
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