We are 1 in 8.

So I had a patient ask me if Jolie was my first child & I responded with no, she's my third- I have a set of twins as well. They said, isn't it amazing how we take that for granted. 

That hit me. Hard. 

No, sir, I don't take them for granted. Does having 3 kids automatically push me out of the grateful group? I can't possibly appreciate the magnitude of life, conception and being able to raise babies when I have 3. Can I? 

Little did he know the struggle that we, as a couple faced --that I face-- that one out of every 8 people they come in contact with face. That 1, was me. 

I responded and said well I don't. It took us a long time to get pregnant with our twins.

I'm sort of sad about my response too, I wish I would have had a better one. 

That man wasn't there every month when I sat on the toilet and cried or went to my bed and quietly cried & Andrew knew better to ask me what the test said because it's happened every month, sometimes twice a month with my cycles. 

That man wasn't there when I completely BROKE, sitting in a room at work finding out not only did I have issues, which we already knew, but my husband had issues too. I felt broken, defeated. That day the devil won. I'll never forget that. 

That man wasn't there when one of my BEST friends, an ultrasound tech, had to tell me, after 2 prior ultrasounds and one where we heard the heartbeat, that I lost my baby. I remember her hesitating and saying she had difficulty finding him, I remember grasping at anything and saying I wasn't laying the exact same way that I was before, let me adjust my hips a little, that surely that was it. I remember breaking down in my husbands arm, crying alone on my bed that day, hyperventilating in a bathroom that day at a wedding. That man wasn't there

That man wasn't there for every pill, shot, ultrasound, written calendar, ovulation test, pregnancy test, every baby item I held on too.

& that man wasn't there when we finally did get a positive pregnancy test, but  infertility has completely RUINED you and you can only be happy just a little knowing nothing is certain. He wasn't there for the worry of a viable pregnancy, then a worry of a twin pregnancy. 

AND he certainly wasn't there when I prayed to God about our family situation. Were we done having kids? We certainly didn't want to go through fertility treatments again, I couldn't be an attentive, functioning parent and cope with those intense feelings again- I knew I couldn't. I struggled so so much. But, you know who was there. 

All along-- GOD. 

God knew my hearts desires, he knew my fears and he completely blew me out of the water and answered our prayers and questions. He answered it for me, when I had been trying to answer it myself for too long.

So yes Mister-- some may, but I sure don't. 

1 in 8 couples struggle with infertility, in many forms. It's something they struggle with internally because it's such a taboo subject. No one wants to talk about it. But, it's time. 

I remember praying to God before the twins, if he was testing me, I was failing. 

I prayed to make my test, a testimony. & it's so is. In the sweetest of ways- in the form of 3 little girls. 

Photo An Hour: {2.5}year & {3} months

6 AM

7AM 

8AM

{pepperoni roll making} 

9AM

10AM

11AM

{everyone's napping} 

12PM

1PM

2PM

Babies holding babies 

3PM

4PM

{napping baby} 

5PM

6PM

7PM

{#byebyebabyweight} 

8PM

9PM

{late attempts at her 3 month pics} 

10PM

Andrew finished putting Jojo to sleep and I went to bed at 10:03.. & not one little girl made a peep! I felt pretty good when my alarm clock went off at 530 and I got ready for the day! 

1 Month, 2 Months, 3 MONTHS!

Happy 3 Months to our littlest babe! She is such a joy and the happiest, best baby I've ever met. I know I say this all the time but goodness she is beyond adorable and so smiley- she just makes you want to talk baby to her just to see her entire face light up again! 

This little chunker has learned to bring her hands to her mouth and will swat at the toys in front of her. She just started to hold and grab the toys from her play may too. Which is one of her favorite things! She love to kick the piano and scoots herself all around, so close to rolling overI Think  it's going to happen almost every night! 

You've lost most of your dark hair and it's coming in lighter, just like Bria. You eyes are turning colors and I SWEAR they are going to be brown. I know you may hate it later but I love me some big brown eyes! You are in size 2 diapers and we are transitioning to size 3-6 month olds. Pjs are a must at 3-6 months! I'm going to guess you are close to 13 pounds. You are so chunky, I can't even handle it and your cheeks- I have to squeeze them all the time! It helps that you I've it and it makes you laugh too! Your tickle spots are your cheeks and right below your 2nd chin! You are adorable when you laugh!!!! 

You are still a sleeping ChAMP! You are up to eat at 630AM, back to sleep until 930/10AM, bottle at 10, up for an hour-1.5 hrs. Luckily, I usually can get 30-60 minutes where all 3 of you are sleeping peacefully. The girls get up anywhere fork 12-1, I try to get them fed before you wake. You are back up by 1/130.. Bottle then. You take another short nap, bottle @ 4. We eat dinner at 5/530.. You usually sleep a little bit. Bottle at 7 and you usually sleep 1-2 hours here. Bottle at 9/930 and out by 1030.. Last few days have been before 10! Go us! But you sleep all night then.Most of the time not making a peep. 

You are such a joy and light to us and it's hard to remember life before you with only two. We love you so so much sweet girl. We love you to the moon and back! 

First Haircuts for the Bigs!

Our little babies got their first haircuts yesterday!! 

Bria has actually been saying she wants her hair cut. Her hair is so pretty but so hard to comb because the bottom is tangly. 

& Ella's just got a mess going on. It's long in the back, shorter in the front (mullet-ish) and curly. It's always knotted. I hope this tiny hair cut helps! I took the girls to my stylist and oh my gosh they did great!

Bria walked up the stairs carrying her bear in her car seat holding my hand, I had Jolie in her car seat in the other hand, and she said "im so excited" "momma, im just like you". Yes you are baby girl. Carrying for baby just like I'm carrying mine. Swoon. 

Bria went first but immediately shut down when she went inside. 

That's her nope face. 

Hair before. 

Still pouting. 

I adore it!!

Thursday (my stylist) was so awesome and even put color in her hair. Purple on one side and pink on the other. 

You can see it best here: 

Official before/after 

Ella was next. She basically got a sympathy cut but got a little curl cut off 

She was excited! 

Before 

After: 

It's just a tad shorter. 

She loved the haircut though!

She asked for red hair. 

Heart eyes. 

My heart. Bria looks like a toddler and Ella's hair has a little better shape to it. Hopefully we can get it all one length soon. I'm still debating bangs.. I like this look an do think maybe next year when her hair is longer and thicker.. She could pull it off 

Inspiration - love.

I was always against bangs but hello cuteness. They can be easily grown out. 

An EB&J Easter!

Kind of wishing we gave Ella a P name there :) 

So, Easter fell the day after Andrews 30th birthday and I had a little surprise up my sleeve so we didn't get to partake in many Easter egg hunts but I think the girls had fun. 

Coloring Easter eggs was fun! Note to self: do not leave the eggs out, toddlers will try to eat them. It wasn't the best day after that. The girls made a mess while daddy was feeding Jolie and mommawas  working. I heard it was an interesting evening.

This. 

Went substantially better than I could have ever imagined. We told the girls they had to be big helpers for Jolie and to hold her hand. Hence- Ella's outstretched little hand. Bria was sad. This picture describes it perfectly. If only Jo was smiling. 

We did a Cousin Easter egg hunt after daddy's surprise birthday dinner. The kids loved it! I filled about 50 eggs. I wish i would have filled 2 rounds of 50 eggs. They had a blast. 

Easter bunny came at the Moore Household and I almost forgot there little lambs and bunny I had made with the girls names on it. So his picture didn't show that. 

Jolie had the Dino basket and the girls had their baskets they picked out last year. 

The girls had asked the Easter bunny (well Ella did) for paw patrol and doc. I had to rush out to the store and luckily came through. 

& what to get a girl who has two big twin sisters and a ton of hand me downs. Ummm. This adorable hat! I was in love, I hope she wears it this summer. Heart eyes emoji. 

Easter eggs hunting was fun as usual for these two! They got a ton of change fort the girls piggy banks and even though it lasted about 1.2 minutes it was still fun. 

This may be my most favorite picture of the year. My cousins husband was the Easter bunny and Bria was deathly afraid. He came and blew bubbles with her. Melt my heart. Next year I'll pull out this picture to remind her how nice he is. 

We didn't make it to church. I'm sad about that. There's a part missing and that part is church. I feel like we need to get back and get back soon. I miss it tons. I want my girls to grow up in church and I feel like I'm failing them. Im so stuck on routine, that I'm having a hard time letting go (aka they nap 10-12) the entire church service. & usually I can't focus knowing the girls are in the nursery. 

The girls are learning about God. He makes the sky. And lives in Heaven. We have been trying to teach them about Jesus, but they just haven't got the hang of him quite yet. 

But God is so real. & I hope we raise our kids to know and truly believe it. We know it because of them. We prayed for these girls so much. Maybe more than any one thing I've prayed for my entire life. & My prayers were answered tenfold.