Acting Out

I don't want to lay low about this or be quiet. I want everyone to understand the pain that comes along with infertility and miscarriage. I don't want to walk on eggshells around my friends because they don't know what to say nor do I. First step is to support this journey and embrace it. Like Hannah's story, maybe this long, painful journey was to bring us closer in our relationship as husband and wife and our relationship with God. At times I feel like I'm failing miserably, but other times I am strong. I will carry this with me always and remind myself why I am going through this. To raise my child as I was raised, a believer and in church!

No Longer Carrying My Baby

I cannot believe it. I'm no longer carrying my sweet baby. I still listen to the heartbeat recorded on my phone. 3 days since my D&C and I'm still in shock. I have no pregnancy symptoms left, they are all gone. Nothing but memories to remind me of my little one. I was convinced it was a boy. I felt it. Even though I only carried it for 10 weeks, I knew. I want to cry all the time. I hate going out in public where people know, even though I want people to be more aware about infertility and pregnancy loss, I still cannot control my emotions. They don't even have to say a word. I cry. Now I understand why some couples only have one child, the physical and emotional toll it takes on you to just get pregnant is insane. Emotionally, I'm a wreck. Between hormone medications and my own hormones, I am tough to live with. Physically, I have gained weight, I now hold fluid, I feel lethargic. I don't feel like myself at all. I feel alone, not just now.. But during the journey as well. I would just like to know why?