To My Girls! (Love Saying That)

Ella Faith, 

We picked out your name before we knew we were having a girl! I feel it suits you even in utero. You have your Aunt Neena's middle name! It's not only her middle name, but it perfectly suits the journey to get you here. It took a lot of Faith! You are normally pretty calm and quiet, but you have your moments.. Mainly before bed where you get a little wild and crazy! I can tell you love your sister already! You literally won't leave her side, you are on the left and she is on the right. For some reason, my belly is all on the right because you because you snuggle so close to Bria. Your 3D ultrasound shows you have a cute little nose and tiny little lips, like your momma (sorry). I can't wait for you to get here and see if my predictions are true! Your cousin Kayleigh has started to "pat" on my belly, wanting you both out! Everyone is so excited for you to get here, the love everyone has for you both already is amazing! Just always remember, we prayed and wished for you and your sister more than you will ever know! Your dad and I love you to the moon and back! 

Love, Mommy & Daddy

Bria Cole, 

Our crazy little (big) Bria! Daddy picked out your first name once we found out we were having two girls! You share a middle name with your Pappy! His is Coleman and yours is Cole. His daddy was Coleman as well. Carry that name with pride, it means a lot to us and him. You are our active baby girl. You are constantly poking, kicking, and moving! You started out as the little twin and slowly surpassed your sister! The ultrasound tech said you are very long! You must get that from your daddy! You like to kick my bladder, a lot. You constantly remind me that you are there! Especially right before bed and after eating! You must love your food! Your 3D ultrasound pictures shows you have adorable big lips and a cute little nose, we compared them to daddy's baby pictures and you two look identical! I can't wait to see if we are right! Your cousin Kayleigh has started to "pat" my belly as if to tell you to both come out and play! She's starting to walk and scream- so be prepared! We are all so excited for you and your sister to finally get here! You will never know how much your daddy and I prayed for you here, never forget that! Daddy and I love you to the moon and back!! 

Love, 

Mommy & Daddy

Delivery Countdown Is On! (Pretty much)

I finallllllyyyyyy got to see my regular dr! Not only did I see my regular dr, I saw my regular nurse practitioner who sees me when Petra (my OB) isn't there! Win Win! 

We had our non stress test. The babies were pretty sleepy and they made me eat peanut butter crackers to try and wake them. After 40 minutes, we finally got the movement we needed! 

Donna, my NP, came in and checked my cervix! Becauseeeee, Friday I lost my mucous plug! It was super weird and have never seen that much CM at once. So, she checked me and she said my cervix is soft but still high and closed. Softening is a good sign meaning things are coming along as they should. But, it could change any minute so watch all the symptoms. 

Pertra came in and gave me a run down of what would happen. If I make it until August 12, 37 weeks we will schedule an induction for that week! If it happens before, to text her and she will try to make sure she is there for delivery. We have the option for c section or vaginal since both babies are head down. I'm still unsure what the best, most safe route is. I have prepared myself for either one! 

She was pretty shocked to hear I am still working and asked if I planned on delivering at work! :) she was also surprised to hear how big the babies were! Thanks GD! :/ 

In 3 weeks, we should have some babies in our arms!!!! Seriously so crazy!!!!!! 

:) :) :) 

33+3 ( at 33+6 right now) and measuring full term for a singleton! Go figure! :) 

33 Weeks + 2 Days!

As I sit here typing, after eating a Carlton of carbs because my sugar went down to 66 and I was shaking, I still don't feel well. Tomorrow is my non stress test and I'm going to let them know I don't think I need this medication. Not when you eat several pieces French toast and syrup and 2 hours later your sugar is only 80! 

The babies are moving like crazy so I know they are just fine- I just need to make it to 830 (when I'm safely home) to crash in bed and eat lots of carbs apparently! 

I am still shocked I am this far along. I know I say that alllll the time, but pregnancy is seriously so amazing and when it seemed like a distant dream 9-12 months ago, it's an awesome feeling to know you are 33+2 weeks pregnant with twins, still working full time, and overcoming everything that is common with multiples! Helps I have kick ass coworkers that love theses babies as much as I already do! 

On another note, I spent the night in Flatwoods with my husband yesterday and even though I realized I was too big for the double bed (I mean we have a king size at home.. I never even know Andrew is there sometimes) so I had to sleep in a separate bed, but it was great to see him and cuddle while watching big brother! He has my heart! 

&&&& he is home today! Can't wait to come home to him in 6.5 hours!!! 

Big Babies and Different Doctors

To say I was frustrated with the doctors last week- it's now at a new level. 

I will try to calmly explain. I swear- I'm normally pretty easy going. 

We had our ultrasound first off with my fav tech! She said she was wondering when I would come back and she would see me again. There was a student and a resident in there as well which I didn't mind- ill show off my girls/twinsies anytime! You could tell who was who, the resident was explaining twins and scenarios and even said he would be on midnight shift if I ever came in. We were laughing and telling stories and I felt like it was going to be a great day! Baby A/Ella- (who 4 weeks ago was 2.14) is now 4lbs 6 ounces!!! Way to go! Baby B/Bria- (who 4 weeks ago was 3.7) is now 5 lbs 1 ounce!! Insane! I have 9lbs 7 ounces of baby at 32 weeks 6 days! Woot woot! 

We sat back out in the waiting room, counting down the minutes to when we would be taken back. Andrew had to leave my noon, probably should have left sooner! We were taken back at 1130 and checked in. We asked to see our regular NP and she said she would check but I was scheduled with Dr. Holls..... Again. They guy who was in there for 2.5 seconds. 

We waited and waited. 12 pm rolls around and Andrew had to leave. :( 

Which was harder than I thought.. I shed a few hormonal tears and about 15 minutes later, a woman doctor I have never met walked in. 

She seemed nice and kind of answers my questions. Until we talked about delivery, she said max they would let me go was 39 weeks?! Um. No. I said for twins?! She said oh, well twins would be sooner. Okkkkk. Since that's what I am having is twins- lets chat about that. -__-

She talked about vaginal vs. c section and kind of acted like I had an option, but I'm still not 100% sure. She then brings in Dr Holls who reviews my glucose levels. Mind you- I called in last week with my readings, my regular NP said they were okay (mainly checking my fasting). Since then, my fasting has been under 95- but now all of the sudden- I need medication.. Another -___- 

With medication comes twice a week appointments. And they want to pick what days I come. Well- I work. And I was told my dr would be here on Mondays so I specifically request Mondays off. And now this dr tells me- no she's here on Tuesdays. Next Tuesday. I said there is no way. I emailed her and she told me she would be there the 22nd which is Monday. Someone is lying. 

Apparently the scheduler left and I could tell the dr was frustrated having to work around my work schedule- so she told me she would call. Which she didn't. Thankful for my wvu chart that tells me when I am scheduled. She already didn't listen to me and scheduled me for Friday morning and now I have to have someone work for me. 

I feel totally passed around. I am dying to see my regular doctor and get a clear picture as to what is going on. 

Besides this little bump, the girls are super healthy and Bria definitely had hair!! Yay! Coming from a baldie (me) I'm pumped! It's getting more real that in less than one month- I will be a mother to twin baby girls. I was talking to my sister earlier who called and asked what I was doing. I said watching tv- alone (since I'm already missing my husband). She said this will be your last time alone. & she is right. Andrew is home 24-7 besides this conference this summer and with these babies- I will never be alone! How amazing is that to think about?! 

I love that thought! *sigh*

Tomorrow is Bittersweet

So tomorrow I will be 32 Weeks 6 Days! Our little girls should weigh close to 4lbs depending- B will probably surpass that we can only hope! I have been dying for this day for some reason for weeks! I am normally über excited about each appointment but it seems like such a milestone that we would never get too, and now that they are getting bigger- their weights and measurements constantly surprise me! 

However, tomorrow my husband has to leave after the ultrasound and go on a weeklong conference for his continuing education credits for teaching. :( I am used to him being there.. All the time, he cleans (for the most part), does all the dishes, and laundry and cooks every single meal for me. He literally does it all, feeds the cats, cleans the litter.. 

That's not even the part I'm going to miss- I will just miss him. He's pretty much always home when I come home. He's always there when we go to bed and wake up.. One of then Last times he left, it was a nightmare and I cried because my annoying cat wouldn't leave me alone and I had to work 8-8 the next day  and was still up at 3am. Needless to say, I will miss him for everything he does  on a daily basis. (How do people deal with deployments- I will never know)! 

We are 3 very lucky ladies! 

Today is NOT my day...

I probably shouldn't even write this blog post because I never want to be a complainer throughout this pregnancy. I am blessed and I am lucky. I'm just frustrated. 

It didn't help that I come into work and its literally a mess from the day before. I don't care if you tried your hardest and can't get everything done (even though no matter how busy- I manage to get it all done, but whatev). It's sad that some very important calls that should have been made yesterday, were never done. Easy messages and phone calls- not even touched. At least the X-rays notifications were called on, but anyway. That started my day off. Simple faxing people! You can literally fax something and walk away and come back to it later- seriously takes one minute. Which I love that I'm an X-ray tech and take care of all of this, but anyway. 

I have apparently developed the infamous PUPPS pregnancy rash. A girl warned me about it- but I was like .. Nooooo I just have itching from stretch marks. Well- I was wrong. I have this awful rash everywhere. And if you start to itch - it literally blisters right in front of you. It's a visible rash, that if you don't have the urge and aren't thinking about it, it's not terrible. But- if you hit your arm, scratch it on anyways or think about your feet- your screwed. It's so weird that it almost swells you. When in the insane itching mode, my fingers and toes swell so bad it's ridiculous. I can't even fully bend my fingers without the pain. 

I emailed my doctor, who I haven't seen since like 24 weeks because of the reg OB/ high risk weird visits I've been having. Anywho- she said try calamine lotion. Um no. I'd rather not go to work with pink lotion all over my body. She said I needed to get some labs done because that rash may have something to do with my liver. Great. We googled it- Umm scary!  It's apparently called

Cholestasis. Which doesn't affect the mother so much, but can be life threatening to the babies. We went immediately. I got my liver functions back- they are normal. My bilirubin was in the high end of normal and now I am just waiting for my bile acid labs to come back. 

 She then preceded to say she wouldn't see me at my next appt, that the high risk clinic ( who she works for on Mondays) has stolen me. Umm, I scheduled my appointment for Monday for that reason, to see her. So that irked me, I really don't want to see the same guy I saw last time who barely stuck his head in the room long enough last time to take a breath. 

I said I was pretty disappointed because I had some questions for her. She emailed me back and said shoot her an email with the questions- she would answer them. So I did. I asked since my babies were bigger, what's the max they would let me go. I'm trying to let my work know..  Is c section an option, do I get to choose or is it based on dr preference and protocol, do they automatically administer steroid shots for the lungs or only if something goes wrong and is there anything else for this rash- is spreading. 

Her response was- your pregnant with twins. Expect the unexpected/everything. I seriously can't believe I wasted my time emailing her and that's her professional opinion. So it may be pregnancy hormones but I'm mad. I'm tired to seeing different doctors, I'm tired of never having a straight forward answer, I'm just done. I miss my old dr and clinic. I know my babies will be in good NICU hands if need be and that Is why I switched but I feel like a herded cow right about now. Just another #. 

Okay I know I'm not, but I'm just worn out. I think I've handled the insane vomiting and weakness (vomiting 5-6 times a day) pretty well, I think I'm dealing well with the gestational diabetes considering I'm a carboholic, and I haven't been complaining of being pregnant in the heat- even with humidity being upwards of 80-90%, I'm enjoying pregnancy and feeling them move and to see what triggers them and what time of day they love the most.. But today I'm just tired. It doesn't help I'm at work 12 hours and everyone has noticed my rash and keeps pointing it out.. Thanks- I got it. 

So- I guess I'm not perfect. Throughout the whole TTC process I vowed to never complain. Nothing could be as bad as wanting and needing these babies , nothing I couldn't handle. & I can handle it. I just need to vent to another outlet other than my poor husband, who has no clue what to say or do. 

I love being pregnant. For twins, I'm really having an awesome pregnancy! I'm so insanely blessed. How could I complain?!  I'm 32 weeks today and pretty much in 4-6 weeks I will have two beautiful babies of MY OWN, to love on! How can anything be that bad? 

Happy 4th of July!

It's July 4th! One year ago, I was testing my ovulation like crazy- probably finishing up my last round of Femara, mourning what I thought was a dream of never becoming pregnant. We had just received the news that Andrews sperm morphology was low, with high debris (no one could seem to tell us what that meant), and a low volume. We were big devastated. My doctor gave us an ultimatum, it was this round or onto IUI. We had many people around us telling us that maybe it wasn't meant to be, some people just don't ever get pregnant & maybe adoption really was our calling. 

We cried and comforted one another and vowed that we would not give up; we just didn't know what the next step would be.  Less than 2 weeks later, I got up to pee at 4am, took a pregnancy test so I could stop the dreaded progesterone suppositories I had been on for months, and went to sleep. I woke back up at 915am, and made my usual morning bathroom trip. I barely looked at the pregnancy test before almost throwing it away. I died inside. 

There were two lines. Something I had NEVER seen before. Ever. I ran into Andrew trying to find the remote for the light and the tried to turn on a lamp that wasn't plugged in. I threw the test at him and ran back to the bathroom. I took another. Still 2 lines. (Of course this wasn't the way I wanted to tell Andrew, but there are no "fun" surprises with infertility. We immediately made a sign and took a picture with our cat, saying he was going to be a big brother- coming March 26th, 2013- according to our app. Andrews 27th birthday. 

One month later, we ended up losing our little one, whom I still strongly believe was a boy. No heartbeat, never any signs, no bleeding, nothing. Our hearts were broken. I thought, it's true. I will never be pregnant. I can't imagine myself being pregnant, it's the only stage in my life that I can't envision- it must be a sign. 

Here I sit, rocking in the nursery of my soon to be twin girls. God is amazing, always has been and always is. I dug myself into a hole before I fully gave God the control he was meant to have all along. I truly believe God and our baby boy sent these two girls to us exactly when we needed them. (We were given a 2nd ultimatum the month I became pregnant. 

We found out December 25, 2012. 

What more evidence do we need to know we are not in control, as much as I wanted to be. I got to celebrate Jesus's birthday and the news of a new pregnancy. In my heart, I said this was the last time. I couldn't go through the heartache of it all, if this pregnancy was a success- I may only carry one child. 

He has proven me wrong. He heard my fears of disappointment, struggle, and miscarriage and gave us twins. 

Amazing doesn't even describe it. 

Happy 4th of July! -Ella Faith & Bria Cole