Happy 17 Months Little Ones!

I'm way behind on the post! Way! I started it but clearly didn't save it.

My Elle Bell, 

Ella I'm so proud of your communication skills lately! You tell me when you have pooped (you've done that for a while now but its more consistent), you say Bria (aka yell Bria) like it's your job and you are so much better at telling me what you want to do, whether it be with yes or no or hand gestures (crossing your arms). It's so fun to watch you learn! 

Fingers crossed, but no sickness this month! You are still wanting to get up early. We were doing so well- I don't know what happened, but you still go down so easily so we can't complain... Well you didn't the only night your dad and I have ever left you for a date night before bed.. No surprise there. I was in tears in the restaurant worrying about your little heart. Daddy has started basketball season,, well month 2 & it hurts me to know how little you get to see him. So far you both are coping well, but this momma's not.  You did actually go to a game.. well kind of.. we watched 20 minutes of the JV game because you girls needed to be in bed by 7 & his games start at 730. You definitely provided entertainment for some of the crowd.

You are so sweet little one. You have been dancing with your sister this month and that could melt me to a puddle. You just sway side to side and the bond you two have has been the biggest change this month. We were actually making cookies one day and Daddy needed to run to the store. He said,, Ill just take one. I said NO WAY. You have never been separated and I'm not ready for that! You look for each other constantly. My favorite part of the day is the hour before bedtime (usually). You two run and chase each other, yell for each other and scream peek.

You were around 25 pounds this month and a whooping 2ft 7 inches! Big girl status. You wear a size 7 (YES 7) shoe,, we actually got a 7.5 in New Balance. Yikes. You are starting to tower over your sister, Its only an inch, but it looks like so much more! Your hair confuses us. We can't tell if its reddish, blondish or both. I think both. It truly depends on the light.. Its coming in more and its definitely thicker than Bria's. If you two could be more opposite.. Your have started to get your Left top "Fang" tooth -- even before Bria. Its definitely bothering you. The other side is swollen, but nothing yet. I think this will be a long process.

Keep it up baby girl. You are sweet, sassy, crazy, energetic, such a morning person, a diva, an okay eater, a great snacker, you love water, your monkey, your blankie, your binky (BOY do you love that thing) and most of all your sissy, momma and daddy.  & WE LOVE YOU TOO BABY GIRL!

My Bri Bri,

My little cuddler! You are so much fun this month! Your vocabulary is killer and you have said your FIRST two/three word sentence! I DID/I DID IT! It may be the cutest thing on the face of the planet. It gets your Dad and I every time.

Fingers crossed, but no sickness this month! You are still wanting to get up early. We were doing so well- I don't know what happened, but you still go down so easily so we can't complain...You are our sleeper. You love to sleep and even though Ella wakes you up in the morning with her chatter, you are very cuddly and can't start your morning without proper mommy or daddy cuddles. Ella is running around the house already and you are just lounging on the couch. Which is OK with me! :)

You are so sweet B. You have been dancing with your sister this month and that could melt me to a puddle. You just sway side to side and the bond you two have has been the biggest change this month. We were actually making cookies one day and Daddy needed to run to the store. He said,, Ill just take one. I said NO WAY. You have never been separated and I'm not ready for that! You look for each other constantly. My favorite part of the day is the hour before bedtime (usually). You two run and chase each other, yell for each other and scream peek.

You weigh around 23.5 pounds and are our little shortly at 2 ft 6 inches. You wear a size 5 shoe, which I think it normal for your age. We did have to get a 5.5 in New Balance to fit your cute little toes in there. Ella is starting to tower over you and there is a noticeable difference, which helps some when we are out.. Now its not so obvious you both are twins.  You hair is getting SO long and in your face. I keep your bangs pulled back at all times, I can't help the times when you aren't with me girlfriend. I'm doing you a favor now and you'll thank me later. Its still a light brown/dirty blonde and very thin like mommas! I love putting bows in your hair and trying out pig tails. Its not quite long enough for one pony,, yet! You have gotten your molars in.. Now we are waiting for you "fang" teeth..Swollen, but nothing yet. which is unusual, you are normally ahead of SIS, in that department. Watch, you will get all four at once.

Keep at it sweet thing! Your vocabulary is insane and you literally surprise me everyday with everything you repeat. It makes me so proud! You are sweet, cuddly, snuggly, not a morning person, you love your monkey, your blankie and your binky (!!!!), bathtime, blocks, & running, and most importantly - you love your sister, momma and daddy. & WE LOVE YOU TOO BABY GIRL!

Mourning the Loss of a 2nd Pregnancy

This is NOT what you think it is. 

It's something I just have to get out.

This post may be geared more towards MoMs (moms of multiples) and [possibly] moms of special needs babies. 

I am not pregnant and no, I wasn't pregnant and just had a miscarriage. Although, I have been through that [a missed miscarriage] and arguably it was the worst time of my entire life. There are No words to describe that pain. 

But. I think I have words to describe this pain.... Or feeling. I haven't quite figured out what it is yet. 

Andrew and I always wanted two kids. Well, okay maybe Andrew said 3 and I gently reminded him- yes he had 3 siblings and while it was probably wonderful for him- Heidi was 11 years older than him and Stacy was 7- it was different for me, growing up with 3 under 2.5. [I am adopted , at 6 months, a year later, Sabreena comes along and 11 months later --same year 1989-- Raven comes along] & while I'm sure my mom has many fond memories of all three of us. I have memories where one person is always left out. 

"Clubs" or secret groups were a big thing when I was growing up and not everyone could be in the club.. I mean- what would make it special if everyone were involved. 

Anyways, so we decided on two. That's plenty right!? 

When we were first pregnant and oh so excited. I had big dreams. I was for certain I was having a boy. A big brother he would be later! How fun! Obviously, when we lost him- I was beyond  devastated. 

{I don't know if I have ever shared this picture... This was with our first pregnancy. We were due on Andrews birthday March 26. This is why I could

never do chalk bump dates. I did a few previous to this one .. Every Friday I did them. This was my last one.}

Fast forward- 2 years later. I am blogging while my 16 (almost 17) month old twins nap! Lucky  and blessed just do not TOUCH how I feel to have them in my lives. It's indescribable. That I was given this trial, of twins, and God thought I was Mom enough to do it! 

So. Why am I feeling sad? I had a 2 for one pregnancy. Buy one, get one. Double trouble. Isn't that what they all say? 

I have everything I ever wanted. 2 kids. 

I worry though. WhAt if they both move away. What if they aren't close to me? What if they both decide not to have kids? Or only one? What if.... 

Plus.. 

I was only pregnant once. Some people

Would rejoice over that. In a way, it's nice.  But I loved being pregnant. I loved feeling them kick and move and rubbing my hands on my belly. I am probably, most definitely, forgetting the puking that went on for 24+ weeks, several times a day, anywhere and everywhere. I'm probably forgetting testing my blood sugar four times a day and watching my carb intake. I'm probably forgetting the swelling, the PUPPs rash, the itching. I'm probably forgetting all that. But I miss it all. I was so thankful to be able to go to the dr twice a week for NSTs and see my girls every few weeks on ultrasound. 

I'm just sad that, my girls will never truly be "big sisters", I'll never get a picture of all 3 in similar or matching outfits. They won't get to experience having a baby around. & I'll never get to experience a singleton. 

But, I can't complain. I'm beyond blessed in every way shape and form. 

I'll just silently mourn the loss of something I never really knew I wanted. 

Wow! Am I Behind or what?!

December, really much of November too, was such a blur. The girls were sick for 85% of it, and still are. Basketball season started and was in full swing in December. It was a cluster. 

My MIL sent me this of my handsome husband coaching his first Varsity game as the head coach! I still haven't been to a game and we are over halfway through the season! 

First off, I was lucky enough to have Breakfast with Santa off! The girls refused to sit on Santas lap but ate like champs for breakfast! 

I mean. How cute are they? 

SO, of course- the next day we decided to go see the Mall Santa. 

Flashback for yall, since it came up on my time hop for that day! 

We knew it wasn't going to work out like last year. We luckily went on Pet Day. So the girls were quietly relaxing in their stroller eating fruit loops watching puppies. They had no clue what was about to happen. We warned the staff and they laughed. We weren't kidding. 

Perfection. 

It may possibly be one of my favorite photos. Am I a bad mom for loving it? Stranger Danger is a good thing! Right?! 

Ella wasn't having it. But there will be one tradition that I keep, dang it! 

It was an awesome weekend in my book. Picture perfection of what parenting feels like. Christmas is seriously my favorite! 

The girls unfortunately got the stomach bug for the 2nd time, as did Momma but they were troopers. And didn't even puke at night. Bria did once after her milk all over the carpet, but she was okay. I was prepared though with 3 changes of PJs and 3 changes of sheets outside the door! 

I love these girls!!!! 

We had some last minute Christmas shopping to do the week before and we took the girls and decided to try booster seats! Umm! Win! 

This cracks me up of Ella. She was sneaking lettuce from Dads plate! And even moving his plate closer! I love it! 

Here's a glimpse at the rest of our December and when I load my Nikon I'll post our Christmas recap! 

They are obsessed with being nakie! 

Happy 16 Months!

Okay I am WAY late this time. It's been that kind of month! 

Ellie Bel, 

Your vocabulary has taken off this month! You love to talk talk talk all day long and I would love to know what it's about!! You are getting better at repeating what we say and I love hearing you whisper or scream whatever you decide to say! 

You were almost 25 lbs and 31.25 inches at the doctor!  90% in height! Duh! You have never had a roll on you and continue to be rock solid and super strong! The things you pick up everyday amaze us- a 5lb weight ball- no problem. Mamaws heavy wooden cat, sure. You scare the crap out of Mamaw and Papaw but I think it's hilarious! 

Your temper tantrums were at an all time high this month but we all have been pretty much sick the whole time so it's hard to tell. You had your 3rd ear infection, your first allergic reaction and your first bout of explosive diarrhea. (Pappy got that one).  We went to the ENT and no tubes so far! Thank goodness!! 

You have been able to cheese lately and it's super adorable! You love the camera all the time! You are especially a Momma's girl! You love all animals, bathtime, books, running (not walking), being outside, frozen, any snacks, breakfast and witht lunch or dinner. You usually don't eat all 3 meals great. You love water. You have tried orange juice and your face is hilarious every time! You hate being told no, not getting the appropriate snack, sleeping in past 630-7, when Bria has a toy you want, not having your monkey.

Your obsession with your monkey and binky this month is beyond. Im not sure if obsessed is the right word.... 

You are so much Fun and I cannot wait to see what these next few months hold with your talking, running and everything else you get Into! I cannot express the joy you have brought to me! Love you to the moon and back babydoll! 

Bri Bri!! 

You are one smart little cookie! You love to talk and repeat what we say! Your love for reading is so cute! You will bring us a book, we ask if you want us to read. So say yessss and shake your head up and down. 

You have a love for shoes, an obsession with your binky and monkey. (Like. Bad), the movie Frozen (that's bad too!) and snacks!! You could snack all day long! It really doesn't matter what it is. I can't even get in a certain cabinet in the kitchen without you running over yelling "nacks, nacks!"

You are 23.5 lbs and about 29.5 inches! You got your first ear infection this month and your first bout of the stomach bug. Mainly vomiting but some diarrhea as well. It was so sad.. 

You are still such a cuddle bug and I love it! You aren't much of a morning person but you are always the first one up screaming waking Ella up too.. We haven't figured that one out yet. You've learned to say cheese, you love all animals, especially our kitty, Track. Niiiiiiice is what you say when you start Petting him! 

Bria, you are so smart and fun and I cannot wait to see what the next month holds for you both! You are so cuddly and sweet and I really couldn't love you more! Love you to the moon and back babydoll! 

It is Enough..

I feel like there is a lot of pressure to be perfect and great at being a mon. Especially to twins. & ***especially after infertitly.. 

Because- we ASKED for it.. Right?! 

That's truly a whole different topic in itself. 

However, with social media, the ability to take a peep into someone's life that you don't even know- is great. In some ways- especially when TTC it was a lifesaver. I have made lifelong friends and built relationships with people I haven't even MET.. & I am beyond thankful. 

There are others that you follow for fun. Twin moms and their lives are different than singletons. It's like a club. A stressful but amazingly exhausting club. (On Instagram specifically) - you follow them I their lives and get a "peep" I to their lives. Their perfect, best dressed, brand rep, perfect hair, makeup and custom clothes. & I know- it's not always like that. It's not always peaches and roses and rainbows. But you can't help but compare. 

Why. Can't I get just ONE picture of my girls together both looking in the same direction. Forget- smiling and perfectly dressed in personalized clothing and huge bows. I mean Ella does nothing you want her too and hates to wear a headband usually. Let alone sit by her sister for a picture. I mean. Come on.

How. How do these people afford it. Their girls wear super cute custom clothes and pajamas pants that have their name written all over it?! I mean- is that even real? Their bows to match every outfit that another IG shop is tagged in. We have to buy double. Two of everything. The mom usually doesn't work & they have all these specialized clothes (x2). I looked up a shirt one time. $34 a piece!!!! She had two girls and two shirts! $68 is more than my water bill a month. Are you joking?! && I work fulltime!! 

When. When do they have the time to make dinner, do their hair, get dressed and clean their house. I shower at night and don't blow dry. Usually don't straighten it in the morning. My clothes don't fit right anymore and there's not money in the budget to buy for my Mommy body (which is another topic. No time to workout. Or eat right. No lie- I'm lucky to scarf down my fiber one bar in the morning without two grubby fingers wanting their share). & my house is constantly messy. Always. I can't remember a time when it was super clean. Oh. Yes I do. May 2014 when I hired a cleaning lady once. & how I miss her so. I've been meaning to call her back. But who has the time? 

Where. Going all these fun places (hair, makeup and clothes done up for all 3, mommy and twins). I can barley change my clothes before leaving the house and a lot of days I don't and wear my pajamas. & the girls did look presentable 10 minutes ago before they found he cheesies and have orange in their faces, shirts and have ripped out their hairbows. 

Now, with Ellas for throwing a fit. I definitely can't leave. 

The point of this all is how much pressure you feel as a mom to post your crafts and Perfect lives and activities. You need to be fit. And skinny. I mean- I had kids 15 months ago. I should be thin by now. Right? & I should have time between my fulltime job, daily life of kids and husband and school- that I could clean and dress well. 

No. Everyone is different and all circumstances are acceptable. I need to listen to this. Some sort of comparison runs through my head everyday now that I'm a mom.. Especially to twins. And especially after infertility. 

Follow Ups!

Okay, so I've been a little slacker lately. But, life has been crazy y'all! 

We nixed the one nap transition becauuuuussseeee, two cranky girls needed sleep and they had ear infections. It was so awful and sad! Poor girls especially Ella, was so fevered one Sunday. I took off her clothes and was rubbing her with a cold wash cloth and she fell asleep on my chest!! I have a picture but it must be on my computer already. It was so sad. It was 445pm. Bria fell asleep on Daddy. It did melt my heart though. I cannot tell you the last time Ella has fell asleep me holding her. Probably 10 months ago. Anywho. Right ear infections for both and a little respitory thing. So Azithromycin we got. 

Bria got better. Ella did not. Amoxicillin we got. 

ENT appointment too. 

So glad we opted for an early morning  appointment, the girls could run free in the waitng room after a long morning in the car. 

Ear infection was gone! Wahoo! He cleaned out her ears which she HATED! Bad. & told us to follow up in 3 months. No tubes!!!! I was so worried after the 3 ear infections since April. But PTL. 

I have my fun loving babies back!! 

However, this HFM thing is still haunting us. Poor Ellas feet have been peeling for ever. And I noticed the other day her toenail looks weird. The next day, it freaking fell off! Apparently, with HFM toenails can shred. Then bria lost one too. Wtf?! So weird. We have a pediatrician appointment on Wednesday .. 

I shall just leave you with some pictures..