We are 1 in 8.

So I had a patient ask me if Jolie was my first child & I responded with no, she's my third- I have a set of twins as well. They said, isn't it amazing how we take that for granted. 

That hit me. Hard. 

No, sir, I don't take them for granted. Does having 3 kids automatically push me out of the grateful group? I can't possibly appreciate the magnitude of life, conception and being able to raise babies when I have 3. Can I? 

Little did he know the struggle that we, as a couple faced --that I face-- that one out of every 8 people they come in contact with face. That 1, was me. 

I responded and said well I don't. It took us a long time to get pregnant with our twins.

I'm sort of sad about my response too, I wish I would have had a better one. 

That man wasn't there every month when I sat on the toilet and cried or went to my bed and quietly cried & Andrew knew better to ask me what the test said because it's happened every month, sometimes twice a month with my cycles. 

That man wasn't there when I completely BROKE, sitting in a room at work finding out not only did I have issues, which we already knew, but my husband had issues too. I felt broken, defeated. That day the devil won. I'll never forget that. 

That man wasn't there when one of my BEST friends, an ultrasound tech, had to tell me, after 2 prior ultrasounds and one where we heard the heartbeat, that I lost my baby. I remember her hesitating and saying she had difficulty finding him, I remember grasping at anything and saying I wasn't laying the exact same way that I was before, let me adjust my hips a little, that surely that was it. I remember breaking down in my husbands arm, crying alone on my bed that day, hyperventilating in a bathroom that day at a wedding. That man wasn't there

That man wasn't there for every pill, shot, ultrasound, written calendar, ovulation test, pregnancy test, every baby item I held on too.

& that man wasn't there when we finally did get a positive pregnancy test, but  infertility has completely RUINED you and you can only be happy just a little knowing nothing is certain. He wasn't there for the worry of a viable pregnancy, then a worry of a twin pregnancy. 

AND he certainly wasn't there when I prayed to God about our family situation. Were we done having kids? We certainly didn't want to go through fertility treatments again, I couldn't be an attentive, functioning parent and cope with those intense feelings again- I knew I couldn't. I struggled so so much. But, you know who was there. 

All along-- GOD. 

God knew my hearts desires, he knew my fears and he completely blew me out of the water and answered our prayers and questions. He answered it for me, when I had been trying to answer it myself for too long.

So yes Mister-- some may, but I sure don't. 

1 in 8 couples struggle with infertility, in many forms. It's something they struggle with internally because it's such a taboo subject. No one wants to talk about it. But, it's time. 

I remember praying to God before the twins, if he was testing me, I was failing. 

I prayed to make my test, a testimony. & it's so is. In the sweetest of ways- in the form of 3 little girls.