Some days I feel like supermom. The girls are happily playing, content, hadn't shed a tear all day. I had dinner done, my makeup and hair done and the house in somewhat of an orderly manner.
Other days- I wonder who thought I was capable of having twins.
Like last Friday.
I've started and stopped this post several times. I love love love my girls, and when people ask how it is with two I tell them how wonderful it is and how awesome they are- because it is wonderful and they are awesome. It's also hard work. Every stage is different hard work. In the beginning- it was feeding time. One would be starving and screaming, the other eating. Now, it's nap time. Ella usually goes to sleep in her crib no problem, but lately I've had to rock her to sleep. Which I don't mind but I have another little girl exhausted waiting to be rocked to sleep too.
Last night- Bria woke up at 1245. And wouldn't go back to sleep. We actually had to feed her. I can't imagine it was the time change. Maybe teeth? I truly don't know. I just know I'm exhausted today.
Some days I would love to give myself a pat on the back for everything I accomplished that day besides caring for babies. Other days I'm patting myself on the back congratulating myself that I didn't completely jump off the crazy train.
I do feel I have some postpartum either hormone issues or anxiety but I have to work through them myself. I'm still pumping for my girls and I can't stop now. So no medication for this momma. & who has time to "talk" to anyone. Anyone who actually cares.
It doesn't help that track season has started and I think Andrew and I are together with the girls as a family for a total of 10-12 hours a week and I only get to be with my girls about 30-32 hours a week, after work, travel time and sleeping (for them).
THAT depresses me. What kind of mom am I that I see my kids less than I work at my full time job?!
It never gets easier to leave them. Even after a bad night. Those gummy smiles (or gummy with one tooth) are the best thing in the world.
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