No Longer Carrying My Baby

I cannot believe it. I'm no longer carrying my sweet baby. I still listen to the heartbeat recorded on my phone. 3 days since my D&C and I'm still in shock. I have no pregnancy symptoms left, they are all gone. Nothing but memories to remind me of my little one. I was convinced it was a boy. I felt it. Even though I only carried it for 10 weeks, I knew. I want to cry all the time. I hate going out in public where people know, even though I want people to be more aware about infertility and pregnancy loss, I still cannot control my emotions. They don't even have to say a word. I cry. Now I understand why some couples only have one child, the physical and emotional toll it takes on you to just get pregnant is insane. Emotionally, I'm a wreck. Between hormone medications and my own hormones, I am tough to live with. Physically, I have gained weight, I now hold fluid, I feel lethargic. I don't feel like myself at all. I feel alone, not just now.. But during the journey as well. I would just like to know why?