Acting Out

I don't want to lay low about this or be quiet. I want everyone to understand the pain that comes along with infertility and miscarriage. I don't want to walk on eggshells around my friends because they don't know what to say nor do I. First step is to support this journey and embrace it. Like Hannah's story, maybe this long, painful journey was to bring us closer in our relationship as husband and wife and our relationship with God. At times I feel like I'm failing miserably, but other times I am strong. I will carry this with me always and remind myself why I am going through this. To raise my child as I was raised, a believer and in church!

No Longer Carrying My Baby

I cannot believe it. I'm no longer carrying my sweet baby. I still listen to the heartbeat recorded on my phone. 3 days since my D&C and I'm still in shock. I have no pregnancy symptoms left, they are all gone. Nothing but memories to remind me of my little one. I was convinced it was a boy. I felt it. Even though I only carried it for 10 weeks, I knew. I want to cry all the time. I hate going out in public where people know, even though I want people to be more aware about infertility and pregnancy loss, I still cannot control my emotions. They don't even have to say a word. I cry. Now I understand why some couples only have one child, the physical and emotional toll it takes on you to just get pregnant is insane. Emotionally, I'm a wreck. Between hormone medications and my own hormones, I am tough to live with. Physically, I have gained weight, I now hold fluid, I feel lethargic. I don't feel like myself at all. I feel alone, not just now.. But during the journey as well. I would just like to know why?

Best 8 Weeks of Our Lives

I hated to admit it, but the month I knew I was pregnant felt more magical than the month we got married. Granted, I am sure I have forgotten some of the luster of our wedding day August 1, 2009, but I truly felt ecstatic. Here are some pictures I had already taken that I will cherish forever! They now sit in my memory box in our crib, which is already put together. 

 I have never seen two lines!!

 Big Brother Track was excited! Big Sis Daisy was so excited she was hiding! :)

 I do not normally eat these. Pregnancy Cravings - Salts!

 Our Little Sweet Pea! This states due on Andrew's birthday, due date was technically March 29th!

 Even though I convinced myself we were having a boy, I fell in love with this bedding!

 Our little baby yolk sac! To our surprise, there were TWO sacs, almost twins! But no yolk in the other sac! Andrew did always say twins would be cool!

 I loved seeing this and the comparison!

 Baby Moore 6 weeks 2 days! Such a blessing to have heard the little heartbeat and to see it moving! I will never forget that!

What a difference a week makes!

 Flowers from The Snider Fam!

 Flowers from my Mother in law and Father-in law

It is amazing to see these pictures. I honestly believe it's the only thing that keeps me going. Knowing we can do it again, God willing. I feel so lucky to know my baby is in God's arms right now and not in this world. I cannot wait to see/hear what he/she (even though I FELT 100% it was a boy) looks or sounds like when that day comes! We love you! * Mommy & Daddy

A Mother's Day Gift/Birthday Gift :: May 2012

I may be a little partial to these kids, but they couldn't be any cuter! They are all great kids, Heidi is lucky to have them! With a little help from me and a lot from the oldest Trey, they made their mother's birthday gift fabulous! With the new picture we took, Trey made a DVD with old and new pictures combined! It definitely made her cry! 

 Probably my favorite of Ashlyn! Such a ham!

 

This pretty much sums up our day! Love them!

 
 

Michelle & Baby Saban :: May 2012

So, I haven't been blogging that much lately. Especially now that we are in the waiting period (as I am in a little pain & sitting up actually feels better) I'm going to catch up! :) I have so many shoots coming up and all these ideas running through my head, I better most what I have done thus far!

Michelle & Baby Saban 

    -Although he is four months old now, I am still in love with his mother's maternity pictures!

 Could she be any more gorgeous? Scott & Saban are some lucky fellows!